[Poetry] “I Run”

I run.

Not in the athletic sense, because I couldn’t be bothered
To work up a sweat over something so pointless
To run in circles, to feel gross afterwards and do it repeatedly
It’s something that I have never been fond of

I run after the future.

I chase after horizons only to find that I will never catch up
I run out of the rain to look for sunshine
I stay on the lookout for greener pastures

My life has been a consistent game of tag
I’m always “it” in this game, chasing after seemingly elusive things
Wealth, love, belonging, self-worth
I continue to run, and somehow all of these things are faster than me.

There is a weariness in my bones, and my muscles feel like they will collapse under The pressure of the constant movement
I keep waiting for these things to slow down
For them to at least give me a chance
To reach out and touch them
But they tease me, slowing down just enough for me to swing my arms out before Taking off in a completely new direction

I run out of time.

In a brief rest
I slowed my pace down to a full stop
I had been running for so long, I had forgotten what it felt like to slow down

A quick look in the mirror affirmed that I was doing the right thing
But upon a longer gaze, I could see the lines in my face
They didn’t exist before, but suddenly there they are
Running quickly down my face
A marathon runner in her own right
Outrunning my youth
The beating in my heart told me that something wasn’t right.

I spent so much time running that I forgot to enjoy the right now.

The feeling of the earth beneath my feet
The air mixing with my hair, my eyes trained forwards
What was it all for?
My race to chase these elusive things —
Who was it all for?

I stand still.

For a brief moment, I feel unsettled
I spent a significant portion of my life running after
Things and people and feelings
I was never good enough
Never fast enough
I was never enough.

But that moment was ephemeral.

I look around at the world as it stands
Nothing moves
Everything perfect in its place

And in that moment, the universe whispers,
“You’re going to be alright.
Stop running.”

 

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