Trusting and walking on water
“Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
In the midst of constant changes, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and consumed with worry.
This year started off like a firecracker for me, with a bunch of different opportunities arising to greet me. Being the “yes” girl I am, I probably said yes to way too many things. But being the person I am, I don’t intend on backing down. Each opportunity presented to me is a blessing and a way for me to grow and learn.
Of course, that doesn’t mean that life comes without any challenges. In the past few weeks, I have been feeling extremely sensitive to the world around me, the changes that come with each passing day, and have been feeling particularly unsettled and worried. In a strange way, it is almost as if my anxiety from what seemed like lifetimes past was coming back.
I started counselling again. I would stare out the Skytrain window wondering what the meaning of all of it was. I would lie in bed completely and entirely unmotivated by the many looming deadlines. I didn’t trust in my ability to do any of the things that I signed on to do, and I felt incredibly guilty for having these thoughts. I called myself out for being whiny – “People would kill to have some of the opportunities that you have right now, so don’t mess it up.”
And it’s true.
Despite the worrying and stress, I recently have been reflecting on the story of Jesus walking on water.
Random, right? What does any of that have to do with me?
But it’s totally not random. The Lord does crazy things in mysterious ways, and it’s becoming clearer as to He has placed this story on my heart.
It all started a few weeks ago when this particular story came up in conversation with a friend. From there, I noticed that life was getting progressively more challenging, and yet in the back of my mind, I could feel the story stick.
As the story (Matthew 14:22-33) goes, Peter wasn’t convinced when he saw Jesus walking towards the disciples on the water. He called to Jesus: “If it is you, tell me to come onto the water.”
Jesus challenged Peter to do so, and Peter did the impossible: he, too, began to walk on water.
Until he doubted. Once the doubt and fear and worry began to settle in, Peter began to drown.
Once Jesus saves Peter, He called him out in a very direct way: “You of little faith. Why did you doubt?”
It’s also no coincidence that I feel like I am drowning in work from time to time.
Every time I feel overwhelmed, over burdened, and anxious, Jesus is there to pull me up. But He also very sternly asks me why I doubted Him.
And truthfully? I doubt because I think that I can do everything on my own.
You see, the crux of my anxiety has always been because I kept God out of my suffering and burdens. I tell myself that I am strong enough to do everything on my own, and this tends to bleed into my relationships with other people, particularly working relationship. I get worried that things don’t get done in time, so I take it on myself. I get worried that things won’t be done right the first time, so I do it on my own. I have always had difficulty asking for help and relinquishing control.
Bringing it full circle, when I’m overwhelmed and at a loss, I don’t ask God for help.
I ask Him every day to show me a miracle, and He allows me to walk on water. When I trust in Him and I’m walking on that water, it is the greatest feeling in the whole world.
But in those moments of despair where I feel like nothing is going my way and I push my trust in Him out of my life, I feel myself getting overwhelmed and drowning. I cry out to God to save me.
It’s a never-ending cycle.
I know that trust in anyone – even in God – isn’t developed overnight.
But through His perfect love, he shows me every single day that I can trust in Him. I’m the one that ends up sabotaging it for myself.
Trusting in Him is a difficult thing to do, but only when we get over our pride and humble ourselves before Him.
Once we put our trust in Him, we can do anything – even walk on the water.