Okay, update: life is lonely, sometimes.
Growing up, I’ve always hated drawing attention to myself. I was never really a fan of solo performances and would rather be really low key. The same usually happened with guys: as much as I would want certain ones to notice me, there was always shyness and I would just leave it.
Now through volunteering and just the fact that my schedule changes every four months, I’m forced to break out of my shell a little more and meet people. I thought that by being a little more confident I would meet someone nice and cool. But so far, there is no one.
Before, I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t need a man (yet). There is so much I want to accomplish, there is so much I want to get done – maybe this is God’s way of saying that the time is not right. And okay, I hear you loud and clear. But sometimes it’s hard to take that message to heart when you are the only single one left in your circle of old friends, you are bombarded left right and center with PDA on transit, your wonderful sister’s track record is more successful than yours (go check out her blog here), and reading the daily newspaper gives you stories straight out of Nicholas Sparks novels.
I’ve met some amazing guys and have also find myself in less than ideal situations, but through it all I keep telling myself that it’s just the beginning, that I’m still young, and that the time will come when He wills it. Like the most magnificent flower, it needs the right growing conditions – soil, sunlight, watering – as well as care.
Lately these thoughts have been occupying my mind, and I’ve asked God when it would be my turn. I understand now what responsibility comes with being in a relationship, and I understand more than ever that love is by no means disposable. Throughout each of my experiences and the time in between, I’ve learned what I liked and what I needed, what I valued in a guy and the things that I found most important in a relationship. But now that I knew these things, I just needed the guy.
So through my open conversations with friends and God, I was confronted with this today.
This morning on my feed I came across this video that featured Steve Harvey talking to a young girl and her mom. I hope for Steve’s sake that this helps him to sweep the Miss Universe fiasco under the carpet.
But the video featured him talking to a girl that openly sexted with guys. She said that it made her feel “like a Kardashian“. It made her feel so good that there were guys telling her that she was pretty. However, once she started with one guy, pretty soon all the other guys were trying to take advantage of her. And when she tried to stand her ground, the guys would turn on her and try to coerce her into bending the rules, just a bit. While I watched this, my heart cried out for this girl. She is so, so loved – I can see it in her mom’s eyes – but she is also so misled. She measured her self-worth with the amount of guys that wanted nude photos of her. She measured her beauty with the number of guys chasing after her.
Steve Harvey’s response was priceless and really hit home – I wish I could post it here, but because it’s on Facebook, check it out here!
A simple and profound reminder that there is so much in life worth living for, and that I shouldn’t put it all on hold just for the sake of someone to cuddle with, to take cute pictures with, or to dress up fancy with.
Being a relationship is a responsibility, a responsibility entrusted to different people at different times. Until then, I will patiently wait.
You are valuable. Don’t sell yourself short. The wait will be worth it.
“I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.”
– Song of Solomon 8:4